No one can know
by Ranowa Hikura
Summary: Previously a oneshot, now another fic describing Elliot's return in season 13. Not prominent until the second chapter, however.
1. Chapter 1

Based off the most recent episode. Don't know what it was called, 13. 04- if you haven't seen it, some things might not make sense. By the way, Sara and others, you might find this interesting. I had Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way take a Mary Sue test. A score of 71= irredeemable sue. Guess what Tara's character got? A 230.

*bursts out laughing*

"How the hell did this happen?" Olivia demanded as she ducked under the crime scene tape, glaring at Nick Amaro as he shrugged helplessly.

"We're not sure. We think she was out running like Amanda but we're not positive, she's not saying too much. Maybe he's seen Amanda on the news before as a cop, and if she's been running here the past three days as well, maybe he focused on her instead and we just didn't notice... well, on the upside, at least we've got him now. High priority vic against this lowlife; shouldn't be a problem."

"Oh, yes, as long as there's an upside," she snapped before turning to look at the victim. Sitting alone in the middle of the swarm of cops, she continued to fidget with the edge of the blanket wrapped around her shoulders and occasionally glanced up nervously. Sighing, she turned back to Amaro and said, "Get Rollins and then go talk to the Captain. He wants to see you both."

Amaro left, making Olivia momentarily wish Elliot had been on this case instead of these two. Amaro was good, if a little inexperienced. Rollins, on the other hand- what the hell had she been thinking? She had gotten too far ahead of Amaro and he'd been forced to pay more attention to her location then their suspect's. If she had just controlled herself, then maybe they could of stopped this from happening altogether. As it was, at least Amaro had managed to make it before he had actually _raped_ their new victim- just sexual assault, no penetration. Well, that's what the rape kit would prove, if she could manage to convince the woman to go down to the hospital- none of the other cops had had any luck thus far.

She cautiously approached the victim, sitting slowly down on the arm of the bench. The woman looked up jerkily and, when she saw who it was, managed to give a tiny smile before saying in a small voice, "Hi, Olivia."

Olivia smiled back and said quietly, "Hey, Casey."

The ADA sniffled and brushed her hand hurriedly across her cheek before raising her eyes to meet the detective's. She managed to hold her gaze for a second before looking away uncomfortably and wrapping her arms tighter around herself. "How'd you find out what happened?" she muttered without looking up.

"Amaro called me after he'd secured the scene."

Casey nodded and ran a shaky hand through her hair, momentarily revealing the cut Amaro had told her about on her neck. It wasn't so deep as to require immediate medical attention, but she would probably have to go to the hospital to get it checked out. Olivia grimaced and was about to ask her if she wanted to go the hospital now or wait when Casey glanced up at her and started talking. "It was our guy, Liv. Same M.O... I knew who it was the moment he said that I should smile more often. I couldn't recognize him, it was dark, that's why I couldn't see who it was. And when he told me I should smile, I tried to run away, or scream, or... something. Anything. But he was too.. t- too fast. He, uh... he told me not to scream, and then he made me look at him. He said... he s-said, 'look at me, mommy.' He laughed when I couldn't get away. I promise I tried, Liv. I promise I tried to get away. He wouldn't let me."

"I know, sweetie. I believe you," Olivia comforted, reaching over to hold her hand. Casey just shook her head, allowing her gaze to drift over to their suspect had shoved to her to the ground and then proceeded to...

"Casey," she called, trying to pull her out of her trance. The ADA jumped, jerking to stare at her for a moment before biting her lip and looking away. Olivia grimaced, then said, "Case, let's get you out of here, okay? I'm going to drive you to the hospital so you can get-"

"No!" Casey exclaimed, shaking her head fiercely and looking up again. "No, I don't need to go the hospital. I'm fine!" Her adamant statement was followed by a dejected sigh as she rested her head on her hand, gazing off into the distance. "I just want to go home," she murmured.

"I know. I know you do, but, Casey, you should probably have a doctor check out. He cut you pretty bad."

"No he didn't. If he had I'd be dead by now."

Olivia sighed, then reached over a lifted a curtain of blonde hair out of the way so she could see the cut on her neck. "Casey. Come on, at least let the paramedic check you out. If he clears you, then I can drive you home and we don't have to go to the hospital."

Casey hesitated, then looked up at her and said in a small voice with wide, childlike eyes, "So... I don't have to get a rape kit? Your partner said that I did, but..."

Olivia paused as she tried to come up with the right response. Technically, they didn't need a rape kit to prove that their perp hadn't raped Casey, just sexually assaulted her. They had Casey and the perp's word, and, according to Nick and Rollins, the ADA's sweatpants had still been on when they'd arrived at the scene. And the tearful look in her eyes told her that Casey probably wouldn't be able to handle going through a rape kit.

Shaking her head, Olivia stood up and offered her hand to Casey. "No. No rape kit."

Sighing in relief, Casey tentatively rested her hand in Olivia's and allowed the detective to lead her towards the ambulance, stumbling through the maze of cops as if in a fog. Olivia held her hand as the male EMT examined her neck- it was her warm grip that kept from screaming when the man continued touching her hair and her skin...

"I'm going to take you down to the hospital. I think you need the stitches."

Casey immediately looked at Olivia worriedly, who responded by squeezing her hand and trying to give her a comforting smile. It was going to be a long night.

SVUSVUSVU

"Don't I have to come down to station first and give my statement?" Casey asked worriedly as Olivia led her out of the hospital.

The detective shook her head. "Not right now. I called the Captain, and he said that you could go home for tonight; give your statement in the morning. Besides, we've got him now. For all the rapes in Georgia, the ones in the city- Alex and Cragen pulled some strings and he's being arraigned tomorrow."

Casey sighed, instinctively reaching up to scratch her neck where the stitches were pulling at her skin. She'd been at the hospital for nearly an hour- of course, her doctor had been male, like this evening couldn't get worse- and, with instructions to return in a week to get the stitches removed, she was finally on her way home. This hellish day was about to be over.

"Alex... so, she's prosecuting now." Casey frowned, looking down at her feet as she waited for Olivia to unlock the car.

The detective looked up at her in surprise. "Yes. She's good, too. She'll make sure you and the others all get justice; the bastard won't get away with this."

"No... no, that's not what's wrong. I know she's good at this; I don't have any doubts about her. It's just... her prosecuting this, that means I won't be." Olivia continued to watch in confusion as they got in the car, not sure where she was going with this. "It means I'm just another victim in this case."

Olivia sighed and glanced at her as she started to back the car up. "Casey... I don't know what to say; I'm-"

"Don't bother, Olivia. I don't want your 'victim speech'. I've heard that speech before. I can recite it in my sleep, and yet... I just never thought it would apply to me."

Olivia frowned before saying softly, "Case, why don't you take a couple days off work. Alex can handle your caseload; I'll even talk to your boss for you. I'm sure it won't be a problem."

"No. No, I can't take any time off. I'm fine; nothing's wrong. I don't want to take time off," Casey said adamantly, then looked away and sniffled slightly, rubbing away the tear slipping down her cheek.

Olivia reached over and rested a hand on top of hers comfortingly. "Case, I really don't think it's a good idea for you to go back to sex crimes so soon after... look, take Thursday off. Friday is your day off anyway, so, then you can decide if you want to take some more time off, all right?"

The ADA hesitated, then smiled weakly at her and nodded. "I... well, I mean, I suppose I could take the day tomorrow to clean up my apartment, or, something..."

Olivia smiled and chuckled to herself. Of course, Casey would give that excuse for taking a day off tomorrow- because, saying out loud that she wasn't going in was because of the events of tonight would be admitting weakness... admitting that something was, actually, very wrong.

Olivia pulled up outside Casey's apartment building, watching the ADA carefully as she unlocked her seatbelt without looking at her. Casey rested a hand on the door, then looked apprehensively outside, paling slightly as she stared out into the dark. _God damn it, Casey. You are a grown woman. It is dark outside. How the hell does that equal a problem? What on earth is wrong with you?_

Nevertheless, she couldn't gather up the courage to step outside. She was too scared.

"Want me to walk you up? Olivia asked gently, squeezing her hand gently.

Casey bit her lip, then nodded, still keeping her gaze firmly focused on her hand, too embarrassed to look at the detective. Trying to stop trembling, she got out of the car and pulled her coat tighter, shivering as a cold wind blew down the street.

Olivia walked up next to her, wrapping an arm around her small shoulders and leading her inside. "You want me to stay with you tonight?" she asked when they were alone in the elevator, but Casey shook her head.

"No. No, that's okay." Casey knew it wouldn't be too good an idea for Olivia to stay in her apartment tonight- now with her current house guest. She'd run into him at the airport a month ago and managed to convince him to stay in New York. He was still staying with her, sleeping on her couch and occasionally going job hunting, though, most of the time, he would just go to a bar and stay there for the entire day. Though Casey had threatened to call Olivia and have her talk to him if he didn't straighten up, her houseguest knew she most likely wouldn't. Telling Olivia her secret of the past month would most likely ruin their friendship.

"Case, I'm not sure you should be alone tonight."

"Thanks, Liv, but I won't be," Casey told her and smiled at her. "I have someone staying with me. He'll be my knight in shining armor, don't worry."

They both laughed, though Olivia was more concerned about her male houseguest. "Caesy, are you sure you want him with you tonight, though? I mean... he's a man, I'm assuming, and..."

Casey chuckled and nodded. "You don't have to worry, Olivia. This one's experienced in anything and everything I could possibly ask him for. Besides, he doesn't have any other place to stay."

Olivia sighed unhappily as she led Casey over to her apartment. "Well, if you're sure." She waited while the ADA opened her door and stepped inside her darkened apartment. "Take those pills the doctor gave you to protect against infection, and I want you to call me if you need anything. All right?"

Smiling as she wearily set her briefcase down and slipped out of her high heels, Casey teased, "Yes, mother. Thanks for getting me home."

"It's not a problem. I'll call you tomorrow to see how you're doing." Casey nodded her thanks before shutting the door and walking slowly over to her couch, where her friend was already fast asleep. Shaking her head, she turned to walk into the impenetrable darkness of her bedroom, then froze.

Well, staying out here wasn't such a bad idea, was it? She could just go to sleep on the floor, and, tomorrow morning, make up some sort of excuse. That wouldn't be too terrible. And her bedroom was all the way over there...

Casey sighed, then took off her jacket and curled it into a ball, groaning when a bottle of pills fell out. Because the knife the perp had cut her with her probably wasn't the most sterile weapon in the world, the doctor had given her some meds to protect against infection. With another sigh, she took one, then curled up on the floor, using her jacket as a pillow... and yet, she couldn't close her eyes.

Closing her eyes meant going to sleep; continuing the cycle from one day to the next. But how could she just keep going like nothing at all had happened, like nothing had changed? Everything had changed.

Casey closed her eyes tightly, struggling not to give into the tears she felt coming. She hadn't cried all night and wasn't about to start now. Still shaking, she pulled herself upright and surveyed her unconscious guest. He had the only blanket, and it was cold. She couldn't take it from him; that would be rude. And she didn't want to turn the heat up anymore; that would cost money.

Only one solution, then. Casey climbed on the arm of the couch and crawled over so she was trapped between her guest and the couch... okay, wrong word. She wasn't trapped, she could get out of this situation any time she wished.

As she pulled part of the blanket over herself so she was snuggled up against his side, her friend's only response was to roll over so he was facing her and drape his heavy arm over her side. Burying her head in his chest, Casey closed her eyes and allowed his warm, if unintentional, embrace to carry her off to sleep.

SVUSVUSVU

When Elliot woke up, he thought this past month had all been a horrible nightmare. That was the only explanation for the blonde currently attached to his side.

But the blonde didn't look like Kathy, and he was still on Casey's couch. No, this wasn't a nightmare, it was still his life. Still his pathetic excuse for a life.

Still, though, that didn't provide an explanation for why Casey was currently asleep next to him, her hand lying on his chest. He groaned sleepily, propping himself up on his elbows and pushing the blonde's head off his shoulder, but her only response was to whimper quietly and roll away from him. Her hair remained trapped between the cushions, though, allowing him to see the stitched up cut on her neck.

He frowned, starting to get worried now. "Casey," he called, shaking her shoulder lightly. "Case, wake up."

"No," she muttered, pushing at his hand as she moved even farther away from him. "Stop... don't make me smile."

Elliot stared at her in surprise. "What? I never said anything about smiling- just wake up, Casey. You're starting to make my arm fall asleep."

"No!" she exclaimed, louder this time, twisting her head away from him. "Don't make me look at you... you are not my mother."

"Um... well, I certainly hope not," he chuckled, still trying to wake her up. "Casey? What-"

Without warning, the ADA turned back to face him, her eyes still closed tightly and shoved him away. Elliot hadn't been expecting it and he'd already been lying on the very edge of the couch, so she managed to push him right down to the floor. "Novak!" he exclaimed as he landed on the

ground, groaning in frustration. "What the hell?"

Casey woke up in a panic, the images of the assault still fresh on her mind. Trying to hold back a sob and failing miserably, she forced herself to sit upright, looking around frantically, trying to make herself realize that she was home, and not back in the events of last night, not back with...

Elliot sat up to see that Casey was wide awake and struggling to remain in control; she stared at him with confused, tearful eyes, breathing hard and holding herself upright with shaking hands. "Casey?" he asked in confusion, pulling herself back onto the couch and tentatively sitting down

next to her. "Case, what happened?"

What happened? No, he wasn't supposed to ever know what happened last night. No one could _ever_ know what happened last night.

It was easier not to tell him. But the comfort he was offering her right now certainly did sound nice...

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Casey curled up against his side and started sobbing into a very shocked Elliot's shoulder. For now, she would be selfish and ask for comfort. But later, she wouldn't. Later, she would be in control of herself and wouldn't let anyone see this side of her... wouldn't let anyone know what happened. That horrifying nightmare would remain in the past, where it belonged. No reason for her to trouble anybody with it now.

Thanks for reading. Currently a oneshot, unless someone leaves me a review that gives me an idea for what to write next or my muse won't settle down.


	2. Chapter 2

Instead of writing a direct sequel to my previous oneshot, I decided to make this more of a general story following the lives of our SVU squad now that Elliot is staying at Casey's and the situations that come up. Don't expect very frequent updates- just whenever my muse acts up. And the reason I sat down and wrote most of this thing in two days? Well, I get it. Alex is great. Woo. I like her too, but COME ON! Give us some Casey. She would have been PERFECT in that episode with the mental illness guy, but no, no Casey. And she's not even in next week's episode, just Alex again. Come on. GIVE US SOME CASEY!

"Atchoo!"

Elliot tossed Casey another box of kleenex after she kicked the empty one to the floor. She thanked him and blew her nose before turning her attention back to the TV. Miserably cocooned in a blanket, a box of kleenex, a bottle of water, and the remote all within reach, Casey was in no mood to get up and would be perfectly happy if she stayed on this couch for the entire day.

Today was Friday. She'd given her statement down at the station yesterday and managed to avoid both Olivia finding out that Elliot was staying with her and Elliot finding out what happened. Everything would be going very well, except spending over an hour out in the cold and the rain with an open cut had not been her best decision that night. Her day off had turned into a miserable day with the flu.

"Casey, you sure you don't want me to drive you to a doctor? You haven't stopped sneezing ever since you woke up."

"It's called the flu. And I've got a doctor's appointment next week, why would I want to go see one now?"

Elliot raised an eyebrow and examined her skeptically. "Really? That appointment got anything to do with that cut on your neck?"

"No, but it has a hell of a lot to do with my foot in your ass."

Elliot groaned. "You know, Casey, you're cruel when you're sick. Maybe I should just call Olivia and have her come over and stay here instead of me."

With a heavy sigh, Casey closed her eyes and tried to ignore the painful itching on her neck, both from her sore throat and the cut. "There are two problems in your theory, Elliot. First, I never said you had to stay here. In fact, I asked you to go out and apply for a job. Your kicked puppy act this past month will only continue forever if you let it. Also, you'd never call Olivia. You're more scared of her then I am at this point."

Elliot just glared at her, and Casey sighed before apologizing. "Sorry, El... I'm not trying to kick you out or anything. You know that I think you should talk to Liv, but it's still your choice... I'm just going to take a shower," she finished, defeated, standing up and trudging towards the bathroom.

Elliot looked after her in confusion, then just shook his head and got up to grab the remote and change the channel, searching for a news station. For some reason, Casey had gotten furious when she'd seem him watching the news yesterday morning and had changed the channel, then taken the batteries out of the remote and thrown them away.

The reporter was covering the case Casey had ranted about- identical twin had framed his brother as the rapist. That case was about to be arraigned, actually- it didn't make any sense why Casey would take two days off work when she was the lawyer trying the case. She still wouldn't tell him where the cut had come from or why she had been hysterical Thursday morning- Elliot wasn't sure if he should give her space, like she wanted, or push the subject.

_"Late on Wednesday night, an affiliate of the Manhattan DA's office was assaulted by Gabriel Smith in an undercover NYPD operation gone wrong. Yesterday evening, after his arraignment, we managed to catch a word with the victims as they left the courthouse," _the reporter announced before the scene changed to one outside the courthouse, where Casey and several other blondes were struggling to get through a crowd of reporters. Casey kept her head down, nearly hidden behind the others, which surprised Elliot- normally, she would be at the front, trying to take the pressure off the victims as well as give a good press release to make a good impression on the general public.

He was surprised even more when Casey suddenly snapped, looking up and about to shout something when the media hounds assaulted her with question after question after question.

_"Ms. Novak, how do you feel about being a victim in this case?"_

_"Ms. Novak, are you using your connections with the DA's office to try and affect your case?"_

_"Is it true you had the charges upped from a misdemeanor to sexual assault?"_

_"Was the NYPD interrupting the assault before it turned into rape a planned-"_

Olivia interrupted before the questions got any worse. Casey, who looked like a dear caught in the headlights, stood there, stunned, as Olivia gave a short, ten second statement before grabbing the ADA by the arm and pulling her away.

The reporter came back on screen, then, but Elliot wasn't listening. It all made sense now. Casey hadn't gone to the store yesterday; she'd gone down to the courthouse. She was taking time off because she was assaulted two days ago, not because she was sick. The cut on her neck was no longer some unexplainable injury; it was from the knife Casey had mentioned the perp used when he attacked women.

Elliot got to his feet and stormed back to where Casey was taking her shower, oblivious to the fact that he had just found out the truth.

Casey allowed the hot water to blend in with her tears as she shampooed her hair for the fifth time. She laughed bitterly, then, remembering the embarrassed excuses she'd made up as a teenager for the bruise on her neck- she'd sneezed while showing her niece how to hold a violin* and ended up jabbing the instrument into her throat. She'd made up every excuse possible to explain the bruise, just like she was doing now with the cut on her neck. She had told Elliot everything, from crashing her bike to tripping on the stairs to the courthouse- anything but the truth.

She heard Elliot pounding on the door the, shouting at her. "Casey!" he called. "We need to talk!"

Groaning, Casey washed her hair again and yelled back, "Can't it wait five minutes!"

"No!" She sighed, then turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around herself before sticking her head out to see Elliot. "What do you want, El?" she demanded harshly.

"You told me you were taking time off because you were sick!"

"Yes, and your point is?"

Elliot glared at her and exclaimed, "Really? That's strange, because I just saw you on the news. I just thought you were prosecuting the case, seeing as how you never mentioned that you were one of his victims."

Casey's eyes widened, and the blood drained from her face before she stammered, "I'm... I'm not... I wasn't raped. I'm not one of his victims! And it's not a big deal, it was all planned out by the NYPD-"

"Try again, Casey. You ranted to me that it was a bad idea they were using the rookie as bait. So, unless you quit your job as ADA and joined the force as a detective, it wasn't 'planned out' at all."

The ADA glared at him, still struggling for an answer, then slammed the door in his face. "Very mature, Casey," he called, and she responded with an aggravated groan.

"I'm getting dressed and then I'm leaving!"

"Where are you going?" he demanded when Casey burst out the bathroom, wearing sweatpants and a softball jersey, her wet hair dripping water everywhere.

"I don't know, but I'm sure as hell not staying here!"

"Casey-" he tried, but the ADA pushed past him and stormed to the front door, tossing his a cold glare over her shoulder before turning down the hallway and disappearing from his line of sight.

SVUSVUSVU

Staring out over the cold, gray city, Casey rested her hands on the railing and closed her eyes, letting out a long, tired breath.

She had intended to go for a run. That had been her original plan. But the moment she had stepped outside, she remembered what happened on the last run she took- which was how she ended up on the roof.

After she had stepped outside, intending to go running, then paled before the fear that presented itself and trudged back upstairs, the anger had drained out of her. Casey had no idea why she acted like a child, back when Elliot had found out the truth. Why had she even been mad at him? It wasn't his fault.

And now she was up here. Hiding from the world.

She sneezed again, then cursed her flu, the weather, the cut on her neck, and ending up trailing off into muttering a stream of obscenities under her breath that could be directed at anything.

Rubbing her sore throat, Casey was just about to turn and head back inside when the door to the roof opened, revealing Olivia. The detective visibly relaxed when she saw Casey, and she let the door shut as she walked slowly forward. She smiled at Olivia in greeting before looking back out over the city again. "Why are you here?" Casey asked. "Don't you have work?"

"Yeah, Alex called me. She said she needed to talk with you eventually so you two could discuss your testimony for the trial and that she couldn't get a hold of you. You weren't answering your cell or home phone, so I came over here."

"Just guessed that I'd be on the roof, then?"

"Well, I'd rather try the roof then go searching through half the city looking for you. Honestly, if you weren't up here, I would probably have back down to the squad room and tried to get some work done."

Casey shrugged and turned back to face Olivia. "You should. Message received; I'll call Alex soon." She sneezed again and turned to go back inside, but Olivia stopped her.

"Casey, why are you out here?"

Taking a step back and hesitating, Casey decided that it would be best to tell her the truth. Well, a half-truth. "It was the roommate I told you about. He's been bothering me about the cut on my neck."

"Bothering you how?"

She chuckled as stepped around Olivia and headed back inside. "You don't have to go into your protective guard dog routine, Olivia. He just saw it and I wouldn't tell him where it came from... started getting on my nerves. So I came here."

"Why didn't you tell him?" Olivia asked, walking behind her and trying to get a good look at her expression.

Sighing, the ADA briefly considered just stalling until they got to he apartment so she wouldn't have to answer any questions, but she knew Olivia wouldn't give up that easily. "Because it's complicated. And he's got enough on his mind. He doesn't need to be bothered about this."

"Casey, if he's your boyfriend, then I think that you should tell him-"

"Boyfriend?" Casey interrupted. "No- oh my god, no. Definitely not. I've known him for almost ten years now, and we're just friends, Olivia." _Way to go, Casey. Why don't you just tell her his name is Elliot Stabler and that you've been hiding him from her for the past month?_

"So what's the problem, then? If you've known for so long, surely you can trust him enough to tell him what happened."

She chuckled and shook her head, and was about to protest when she promptly sneezed. "Son of a bitch..." she muttered under her breath, causing Olivia to laugh. Rolling her eyes, Casey shoved her playfully before explaining, "I got the god damn flu. Which means I probably won't bother waking up in time to go to work tomorrow."

"Good. You need a vacation."

"Among other things..."

Olivia watched Casey closely as the ADA stopped walking and leaned against her apartment door. "Casey... look, I really do have to get back to work. But I think you should tell this mysterious friend of yours what happened."

She shrugged. "Well, it's too late to tell him. He already knows- saw it on the news. Confronted me about it, so I left."

"Ah. So that's why your hair is wet. I was wondering why would you decided to just take a walk right after you took a shower." Grinning, Casey nodded before pushed herself off the wall and was about to reply when her cell phone started ringing. She pulled it out and frowned at the unfamiliar number before answering.

"Hello? …oh, Sabrina, hi! …um, okay, sure." There was a long silence, then, Olivia watching in concern as the blood drained from Casey's face and tears started to shine in her eyes. "You… you're _what?_" she choked out. "No… no, you're not, Sabrina. Stop lying to me! …y-yes. Of course I will. No it's not a problem! No. No, I'm on my way right now and then everything will be okay." Casey hung up abruptly and ran for the door, suddenly shaking all over.

"Casey!" Olivia called, hurrying after her. "Casey, who was that? Is everything okay?"

"I don't know!" Casey shouted, still running towards her apartment. "I don't know!"

SVUSVUSVU

It had been three months since Casey had hurried back inside the day Elliot had confronted her about her assault, thrown some clothes into a suitcase, and left. All she had told him was that she had to leave the state for a little while because of a family emergency, and then she had left. Elliot hadn't heard anything from her since.

He'd even contemplated reporting her missing a few times, but she still sent back money to pay for the bills and the fact that SVU would of done something by now if something was really wrong stopped him.

It had nothing to do with the fact that reporting her missing could end up with him seeing the squad again.

Nope, just his concern for Casey...

SVUSVUSVU

"Sabrina," Casey sobbed, "stop it. Don't do this to me, please."

"Casey... I'm so sorry. Come on, don't cry."

Casey choked out a broken sob and shook her head. "If not now, then when?" she asked softly. "Sabrina, I-"

"Shh, Case. I don't want to die sad, and watching you cry makes me sad."

Sniffling, Casey wiped away her tears and looked up at her older sister, her green eyes still red. "Sorry, Sabrina."

Three months ago, Casey had gotten a call from her older sister, down in Florida. Casey was the only family Sabrina had left and still, she had waited a year and a half to break the news to the ADA- that she was dying of cancer and a liver transplant was now her only chance. Well, all she had said on the phone was that she was dying. Casey had flown down immediately and it was in the meeting with the doctor that she found out about the Sabrina's slim chance with the liver transplant. Casey had immediately signed all the forms and gotten all the tests done as soon as possible, despite Sabrina's fierce protests that she'd rather die than live if Casey didn't survive the surgery, but Casey hadn't listened.

She'd donated a lobe of her liver, only to find out a week later that it was too late. The cancer had already metastasized- and all Sabrina had done was apologize for letting Casey go through the surgery when it ended up being for nothing anyway.

Casey had stayed with her sister, then, driving her to and from her checkups and radiation treatments, which had only lasted a month before Sabrina had refused to go anymore. She had said that she was dying, and that the radiation treatments were all experimental and she was going to spend the last days of her life being someone's 'fucking guinea pig.' Casey, though she had disagreed, couldn't bear to force her to go... not when she was already so sick and tired and waiting for death to claim her.

Casey had found Sabrina passed out on the floor last night. She'd called an ambulance and let the doctors run their tests. The results weren't surprising- the end had finally come.

"Sabrina," Casey begged, unable to stop herself, "Don't die. Please don't die."

"I... I wish I could stay for you, Case. But I-" she coughed- "I can't. Casey... p- please... I want to be buried at home. In New York; not down here. Please h-have my funeral in New York."

Casey nodded as tears broke and started to roll down her cheeks again. "Of course. Of course I will. Is there anything else that I... I can do, or..." Sabrina shook her head, then shifted onto her side and beckoned weakly for Casey to join her on the uncomfortable hospital bed. Without hesitation, Casey lay down next to her and curled up against her side, something she had done a lot over these past months. Casey couldn't help but feel guilty- after all, Sabrina deserved the comfort, not her. But Sabrina seemed not to care too much she was dying. When Casey had asked her, Sabrina said she had accepted the fact sometime over the year in a half before she called Casey, and only then had worked up the courage to call family.

"Case..." Sabrina said slowly as she let her arm fall over her younger sister's side, "I'm tired. I-"

"No! No, Sabrina! Don't go to sleep or you won't wake up!" Casey pleaded, burying her head in her sister's neck and trying not to cry more than she already was. "Please don't. Just hang on a little while longer."

"Don't think I can," Sabrina murmured, and the beeps of the heart monitor started to get slower. She coughed, then said hoarsely, "Case... don't forget me."

"Never. I won't, I promise," Casey cried softly.

"I love you. Goodbye, Casey..."

"I l- love you too. Good... Goodbye," Casey managed to sob, holding onto her tighter. "I love you."

Then the endless alarm as the heart monitor reported it no longer sensed a pulse. "Goodbye," Casey repeated, crying harder into her sister's shoulder. "Goodbye."

SVUSVUSVU

"Um, thanks," Casey mumbled, signing the final form, acknowledging that her sister's body had arrived in New York. "I don't really know how this works- do I need to go-"

"Her lawyer arranged everything. Here's the address of the funeral home; you'll need to meet with the funeral director to know the rest." Nodding weakly, Casey turned and stumbled towards the exit of the airport, as if in a haze.

She had to meet with her boss, to catch up on everything she'd missed during her leave of absence. Should she tell the squad or Elliot about her sister, though? If she didn't, she'd be subject to unwanted questions. If she did, she'd get sympathy and pity.

First option, then.

Casey walked down to the DA's office, carrying her light suitcase in one hand, which only contained clothes and some of her sister's personal affects. She had already met with Sabrina's lawyer; half of everything went to Casey, the rest went to cancer research. Her sister wasn't exactly rich, and Casey didn't want to spend any of her sister's money anyway... she'd probably donate the rest to cancer research as well. Her way of trying to make sure other families didn't lose their loved ones the same way she had lost Sabrina.

Somehow, she ended up in front of her boss's office, though she didn't even remember entering the building. Sighing heavily, Casey raised a shaky hand and knocked. He called her in, and Casey stumbled inside and said softly, "Hey, Mike."

"Casey! So, you're back from your leave of absence, I take it?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Are there any cases I need to be caught up on? I know that I left Alex in the lurch, so I'll do whatever you need me to make up for it."

Mike started searching through the files on his desk and said, "SVU caught a case yesterday; Alex deserves a break, so I'm giving it to you. Lucky for you, she got a conviction yesterday, which leaves nothing else for you to be caught up on."

"Thank you," she said quietly. "Thank you very much, sir. I have to head down to the squad room now, to catch up on this most recent case. If there is anything else, you can call me on my cell phone."

Mike nodded and was in the middle of asking if something was wrong when Casey left his office. She was about to try to focus on trying to work for the rest of the day when she ran into Olivia in the hallway, who was leaving Alex's office.

"Casey!" she exclaimed in surprise. "You're back!"

She nodded mutely. "Yeah. Just got in town about an hour ago."

"Where've you been? All your office could say was that you had requested a leave of absence for an undetermined amount of time."

Casey's voice was flat and emotionless as she replied, "I had some stuff to take care of. Family emergency..."

Family emergency... well, she could never have one of those again. Her sister was dead. Charlie would of been family, but he's dead too, and she broke off the engagement before they ever became official. No more family left. She's alone.

"Case?"

Olivia's voice called her out of her grim depression and she blinked blearily, clearing her vision. "Um, sorry. I just was thinking about something else."

Olivia hesitated before asking uncertainly, "Casey, are you sure your okay? You don't seem like it."

"I..." Casey didn't want to say that nothing was wrong. Her sister was dead. In her book, that definitely meant that something was wrong. "I..."

Olivia seemed to be able to tell that Casey was close to her breaking point and was about to try and convince her to say what was wrong when Casey interrupted with, "Actually, Olivia, I'm fine. But I think I'm going to head home now. Mike gave me your most current case. Please call me whenever you need anything."

Olivia could easily see that Casey not fine, no matter what she said, but the ADA wasn't exactly discussing anything with her- she was already walking away. She decided she could stop by Casey's place after work; right now, she had to get back to the station to interrogate a suspect.

SVUSVUSVU

Casey fumbled in her pockets for a moment before remembering that she had no idea where her keys were. If Elliot wasn't home, she was as good as screwed- she had only made it inside the apartment building because she had run into someone she knew coming in, and followed them inside.

Sighing, she knocked shakily on the door, hoping Elliot wouldn't ask her too many questions tonight. She just wanted to go to sleep. That was the only way she had to stop thinking about her sister.

Elliot opened the door, then gasped. "Casey?" he exclaimed. "What the- you're back?"

She nodded tiredly. "Yeah. Got in earlier today."

He stepped back to let her inside, taking her suitcase from her. "God, Casey, where have you been? It's been three months, and all I got from you were checks to cover the bills- unneccessary, by the way. What's going on?"

"El," she sighed heavily, "Please not right now. I don't want to talk about anything that happened right now. I just want to go to sleep... well, maybe I do want to talk about it, I don't know..." she trailed off doubtfully, sticking her hand into her pocket and fingering the bracelet she'd given Sabrina for her tenth birthday. It wasn't anything expensive; just one of those things school kids put together for fun, but Sabrina had loved it and worn it every day since. Sabrina had asked Casey to take it, right before she died.

"It's okay, Casey, take your time," he said hesitantly.

"I... well, Sabrina only just... you know what, I just realized that I forgot something at work," she finished in a rush, turning to leave again. Even though she had decided earlier to not tell anyone about her sister's death, she was now having second thoughts.

Casey turned to leave, her head down, but when she opened the door she found herself face to face with Olivia. Olivia blinked in surprise and stepped back, but then her gaze focused on Elliot. "What the... _Elliot?_"

Casey closed her eyes and stepped aside, shaking her head. _I can't deal with this right now._ "Elliot, what are you... what are you doing here?"

Elliot was clearly unprepared for this. "Olivia..."

"Casey, what is he doing here?" Olivia exclaimed without ever so much as looking away from Elliot.

Maybe Casey could use this to distract everyone from just where the hell she had been these past three months. And, after all, her friend deserved to know the truth. She sighed, then, still staring at the floor, she said quietly, "Liv, he's been living with me for a while now."

That was enough to tear Olivia away from her ex-partner. She turned towards Casey and asked in a deadly quiet voice, "He's been living with you? For how long, Casey?" When Casey couldn't bring herself to answer, she shouted, "_How long?_"

"Seven... seven months."

Olivia gasped, her eyes widening in shock and anger. When she could speak again, she said shakily, "My best friend for twelve years was staying with you. You _knew_ I wanted to talk to him. And yet _you! Kept! Quiet!_" Olivia's hard fists hitting Casey's shoulder punctuated her last three words as the detective forced her back, on her way into a rage. "_How could you?_"

"Olivia, I'm sorry," she said softly. "Elliot asked me to not say anything-"

"Oh, he asked you not to say anything, is that it? He disappeared _seven months_ ago, and I've been worried about him, and you _knew_ that! I thought that you were my friend, but it looks like I was wrong about that! In all your talk about evidence for warrants or witnesses you could of slipped in some subtle hint telling me that you knew where Elliot was, but you didn't even bother to mention it! Alex would of said something, if Elliot had chosen her instead of you!"

_Oh, here we go again,_ Casey thought. '_Alex is the legal goddess and I'm just her replacement.' Grow up, Olivia._

"Hell, the only reason he probably even chose you in the first place is because a lawyer who was suspended for lying to a judge, just because she didn't learn a damn thing in the five years she was with SVU, would just be happy someone wanted to be friends with a glorified desk jockey and wouldn't try and make him get help!"

"Olivia-"

"Oh, don't you start with me!" she shouted, whirling on Elliot. "Yeah, you killed a kid. I get it. I know how hard that was. I understand why you quit. But I _don't_ understand why you just walk out on a _twelve years friendship_ and don't even bother to say goodbye!" Now she was hitting and screaming at him while Casey hung back, her eyes closed as she prayed for Olivia to just go away and yell at her tomorrow.

"And the fact that you're even here! You trusted Casey more than me! We were partners, El! We were supposed to trust each other with our lives! And even if you don't give a damn about me; even if you don't care enough to say goodbye- what about your kids? Did you know that your ex-wife calls me at least once every week to find out if I've heard from you because your kids need a father? Or do you not care about them, either?"

Elliot gasped, staring at her in horror. Olivia was pushing all his buttons and she knew it. Walking out on his job. His friends. His partner. His family. He'd been struggling with whether or not he should contact his family ever since he left- but what kind of father would he make now? Jenna had been Lizzie's friend. If Eli would ask why he didn't have a job, what else could he say but that he had quit because he was a killer? If Kathleen's bipolar disorder ever got worse, she didn't need a screw up like him, she would need a real father. Dickie didn't need to look at his father and see a depressed killer. And Maureen- if her new boyfriend ever asked about her parents, which sounded better, that her father had walked out on her or that her father was a killer?

"Olivia, I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't even begin to cover what you did, Elliot! You go to Casey instead of me- I thought you trusted me!"

"Olivia, it wasn't like that!" Elliot exclaimed. "She ran into me at the airport and convinced me to stay- it wasn't like I sought her out and-"

"Seven months, though, Elliot! _Seven god damn months!_ And you didn't even care enough to drive a mile to the precinct and say hello."

Casey listened to Olivia scream at her ex-partner, feeling more and more guilty by the second, when her phone started vibrating in her pocket. Sighing, she pulled out and recognized Sabrina's lawyer's number flashing across the screen. She groaned. Casey really didn't want to deal with this right now.

"Hello?" she said softly as she answered the phone, hoping to manage to slip out quietly without being noticed. "Yeah, I'm free right now... what do you have for me? Oh. Yeah, of course. I was going to come by tomorrow but if you need it now... no, it's fine. I'll be there in about half an hour."

As Casey hung up and headed for the door, Olivia grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back. "Don't think you're getting out of this, Novak!" she exclaimed, and Casey just snapped.

"Olivia, get your head out of your ass! Elliot is not your child; you had no right to know he was staying here if he didn't want you to! I wasn't going to break his trust to make you feel just a little bit better about yourself! And Elliot; it's time you stopped wallowing in self-pity and actually do something to pick your life up, because I don't give a damn anymore-"

Casey was cut off as Olivia slapped her across the face, hard. Those brown eyes were cold and steely and filled with anger, and they helped break Casey out of the red haze that seemingly surrounded her. "How dare you?" Olivia hissed quietly. "How _dare_ you?"

"All I did was tell the truth," Casey snapped shakily. "And I really don't have time for either of you right now! You're both being idiots! You were friends before all of this and just because Elliot made a mistake doesn't mean you should hate him! Hate _me_ if you want, I don't care. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go start planning my sister's funeral. When I get back, I don't want to see either one of you here." Then Casey turned and left, slamming the door behind her.

SVUSVUSVU

Apparently, her sister's lawyer had a lot of cases to deal with right now, so the selfish bastard was asking her to hurry and plan the funeral. "It's people like you who give lawyers a bad name," Casey had snarled as she left. She knew what it was like to have a hundred and one cases on her desk, but that didn't mean she tried to rush her victims in court or take shortcuts when she was trying to get a warrant or a conviction.

Nevertheless, she wasn't going to postpone planning the funeral out of spite. This was for her sister, for god's sakes. She wasn't looking forward to the funeral itself, but she was looking forward to when it would no longer be something to be dreaded, after she got it over with.

Of course, there was still Elliot and Olivia to deal with. If they were still in her apartment, Casey was just going to head back to her office and let them work out their differences.

When she arrived at her apartment, she found both still inside, but they weren't fighting anymore. The tension between them was so thick it was almost palpable, but at least they weren't at blows. She groaned. "I thought I asked you not too be here when I came back," she said sullenly as she tossed her coat onto the couch.

"Yeah, you did," Olivia said coldly as she got to her feet. "Where've you been? You disappeared for an hour."

"None of your business. Why are you still here? I'm not in the mood to fight with you tonight. Don't worry, I'll be back as your 'glorified desk jockey' tomorrow."

Olivia winced- nothing like your own words being thrown back in your face. "And I'll make sure to check with _Alex _on all the decisions I make. You know, in case 'a suspended lawyer' like myself doesn't have good enough judgment to try a case by myself."

"Casey-"

"Just shut up, Olivia. I don't have the patience or the time to deal with you right now. Elliot, if you want to deign to stay with me, since I'm apparently such a bad influence, then go ahead. Otherwise, just go and talk to Alex about how you wish it was just you and her without me in the mix, like it was in the good old days."

Casey was relieved when Olivia didn't protest and instead, left. Collapsing onto the couch, Casey closed her eyes and settled herself in for her turn with Elliot.

"Case," he started off after a moment, "look, Olivia was just mad, she didn't mean what she said about Al-"

"Oh, relax, Elliot. That may have been able to get to me when I first started with SVU, but not anymore. Believe it or not, Alex and I are actually friends now. I only acted like she hurt me to make her feel guilty. And it worked, apparently. But don't lecture me on being sensitive with her or whatever, right now, I really could care less."

"So... where did you go, when you left for about an hour? You said something about... planning your sister's funeral?"

"Yep," Casey said softly, and her voice broke. She closed her eyes, struggling not to give in to the tears she knew were coming. "She's been dying of cancer for over a year now. I only found out three months ago when she called me. I've been down in Florida with her. Tried to do a liver transplant to save her but it didn't work, she died anyway. And now her lawyer is telling me to hurry up and plan the funeral because he's so _busy_, so now I can't stall and just have to start planning, and it's only now that I'm realizing that I don't know how the hell to plan a funeral. There's so much I have to do and I have to juggle work alongside it and now Olivia's mad at me and I ratted you out to her and probably ruined what chance you guys may have had at friendship..."

Elliot sighed, draping an arm around her shoulder. "Don't worry, Casey. After you left, we tried to work things out. She's still mad at me, but isn't refusing to listen. And about your sister... well, I'm not that busy. Doesn't seem like the right time to tell you, but I did get a job. So I don't have as much free time as before, but I can still help you plan it... well, I don't suppose this is the best time to mention this, but I do still remember... your sexual assault."

"God, Elliot. Not is really not the time. Just don't." Casey pulled away and leaned her head back, closing her eyes.

"No, that's not what I meant! I not going to try and lecture you for not telling me or try and cajole you into talking about it. I just wanted to ask how're you doing. Specifically pertaining to that."

Casey groaned. "I'm not even lying when I say that I've had bigger things to deal with these past three months."

"Casey, you know it doesn't work like that. You know-"

"Oh, for god's sakes, Elliot, I know that! I know that something like that doesn't just go away, but I really don't care! It's my sister! What kind of person would I be if I put my own selfish desires over what was happening to my sister? Sabrina was dying and of course I focused on her. And I still have too much on my plate right now... you know what, I'm just going to go to bed."

"Wait, Casey-"

"No." She stood up and started back for her bedroom. "It's not because I'm mad, El," she said, too tired to actually try and assure him this wasn't because he made her mad or anything. "I actually am tired. Tomorrow I can start to sort everything out. Yes, you're still welcome to stay here. Congratulations on your new job, by the way. I'm glad." Her voice was flat and emotionless. She was glad that Elliot finally pulled himself out of his depression and at least was trying to take steps back to normality, but she couldn't dredge up enough emotion to infuse into her voice to make it sound believable.

Casey stumbled towards her bed, slipping on the bracelet Sabrina had given her and beginning to undress. Despite her long absence, it seemed Elliot hadn't ever moved into her bedroom, as it was mostly untouched, simply covered in a thick layer of dust.

"Goodbye," she whispered as she lay down. "Goodbye."

A/N: Yes, I have actually given myself a bruise on my neck by sneezing while playing violin… cut my finger by playing a song too fast on my piano… and my guitar… made my lip bleed on trombone… and baritone... and saxophone… god, I really should stop typing now…


End file.
